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I'm going to go to incube8r today. I'll get a they/them pin and an invisible disability pin. I'll wear them on Xmas day with family.
Maybe it will make some discussions easier. Maybe it will irritate some people.
I need to let go of the desire to explain myself to my family so well that they truly understand how I feel about Xmas, and other events with heavy expectations about how everyone *should* behave.
Still, it bothers me.
@lookitmychicken@blorbo.socialIt's become clear that some people in my family feel that others aren't doing enough to contribute to the big family events.
Some are doing more than their fair share of hosting, cooking, gifting, etc.
As someone with multiple illnesses and permanent fatigue, I gave up long ago on trying to do as much as others. It's been a source of anxiety & discomfort for me.
I wanted everyone to cut way back on this stuff. I don't think I fully understood why it made me uncomfortable.
Now, I think it's probably because I have to cut back or risk a fatigue crash. Since I can't contribute as much, I want everyone to do less.
Then I won't feel like such a freeloader, benefitting from everyone else's hard work while doing so little myself.
I've not really acknowledged this to myself, let alone talked to others about it.
I thought that if I just stepped back without making a big deal of it, no-one would mind much.
Given some things my sister & my stepmum have said recently, I no longer think that's true.
I think there's at least one person in my family, maybe more, who thinks I don't do enough and should do more.
I don't know how to address this without causing drama or making things worse.
I'm trying to think of some material contribution I can make that is unlikely to make a crash worse.
I offered to contribute money but that wasn't well received. 
@lookitmychicken I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way about it, that's miserable. I think the pins are an excellent thing that's a treat for yourself as well as a reminder for them.
@laurenthemself
Treat for me! I like treats. 
@lookitmychicken 
that sounds really hard to navigate, especially since it sounds like there's a lot of unspoken expectations and probably some gendered expectations as well
@Forestofglory
It's possible that there are some gendered expectations, but I have no trouble ignoring those. 
It's the disability part that bothers me the most. I don't want to whine about it or sound like I'm making excuses, and I also need to make careful decisions about what spoons to allocate where.
It's one of those situations that every disabled person knows too well.
@lookitmychicken That sounds very frustrating! *tea and support*
@lookitmychicken Much love. I've always found this time of year difficult - I hope you're able to find something that you're at peace with
@tessiselated
Hmm maybe I can just meditate a lot. It won't make anything different externally, but it will help with the peacefulness part.
@lookitmychicken they should just stop being dicks BUT my hack is offer to bring cold / prepared foods, buy and decant them into tupperware, theyll never know <_<
@minna
I spoke to my brother earlier & offered to bring non-food items that might be needed for party hosting, but he said that they had it covered.
He suggested that I could do a cheese plate, and I'm very happy with that suggestion. My cooking skills are sufficient for assembling cold items on a plate! And I can purchase the items a bit at a time over the next week! So it's very manageable, phew.